Fussy eating is one of the most common concerns parents have about their kids’ eating.
Parents may feel that mealtimes have become a battleground – not a nice atmosphere for enjoying food! It is normal to feel helpless, frustrated and confused about how to move forward. Sometimes children will also eat well at childcare but not so well at home, which can add to parents’ upset.
It’s time to establish a Division of Responsibility for your family mealtimes. This is a subject heavily researched by American Dietitian and Family Therapist Ellyn Satter. Parents are responsible for what, when and where food is eaten. Children are responsible for whether and how much food is eaten. It is not the parents’ job to get food into the child.
Parents’ jobs = parent provide
Children’s Jobs = child decides
Choose and prepare the food (you know best here!)
Provide regular meals and snacks
Keep eating times pleasant
Show children how to eat a wide variety of foods and how to behave at meals
Not let children graze for food or drinks (other than water) between meal and snack times
Choose what to eat from the food provided
Decide how much they need to eat (they know best here!)
Learn about eating food by watching their parents
Learn about mealtime behaviour by watching their parents
Learn that they will be offered food, and non-water drinks, at regular meals and snacks
It is a little different with infants. Parents are still in charge of the what (breastmilk or formula) but the infant is in charge of where and when. The parent helps the infant to be calm and organised and feeds smoothly, paying attention to information coming from the baby about timing, tempo, frequency and amounts.
Fundamental to parents’ jobs is trusting children to decide how much and whether to eat. If parents do their jobs with feeding, children will do their jobs with eating. Problems arise when we adults cross the boundaries and try to do children’s jobs for them.
Ready to make a change?
Check out the PICNIC Project website for age-appropriate guidance. They also have parent workshops and social media support.
